Dear Spill It,
At the start of winter semester, I agreed with a friend that we would room together next year. As the year has gone on, I’ve started to feel exhausted in the friendship and worry that living together might not be the best fit. However, we have another friend who doesn’t have a roommate, and I would really love to room with them instead. I care about both of my friends so much and don’t want to create any awkwardness, but I’m feeling conflicted about what to do.
Sincerely,
Restless Roomie
Dear Restless Roomie,
It is official. It is March, which means spring is around the corner, and believe me, I cannot wait. Winter has drawn on with its good ol’ Portland way: cloudy, gloomy and despair inducing. Spring is nearly here and so are new beginnings, growth and possibly new friendships. But for the average student at Lewis & Clark, the month of March can only mean one horrifying thing:
The Campus Housing Portal opens.
Often, what spring provides is not necessarily new beginnings (or even new housing), but the promise of a future beginning. This seduction of self-reinvention — which is perhaps the most dangerous aspect of your parents’ spring cleaning — is posed with those inevitable housing applications. It is in its novelty that finding housing becomes a difficult task, seemingly too big and too heavy to make.
I say all this to tell you that it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed with this decision. My biggest recommendation is to trust your gut — you probably already know what you need in order to live comfortably, and this decision should be made based on your needs first, not because of obligation to anyone else. You are right in your assumption that this is something that should be handled with care, as others are also dealing with their own rooming trials and tribulations.
First, I would advise you to think about what in your friendship is exhausting you. Is it something that will bother you more or less when living with them? A roommate does not have to be a best friend, and sometimes it is best to just coexist with them in harmony rather than in codependence.
Finally, communication is key. You could always let your potential roommate know that you might want to room with another friend in a kind, considerate way that is not personal. This could be discussing a dorm hall preference change, not wanting to ruin the friendship with too much proximity or even asking if they have also been thinking about rooming with someone else. Chances are, they have also gotten offers from other friends and could easily switch to room with them instead.
Although student housing is a complicated process, it is not the end of the world. It can be reversed and only lasts for one year, or even just a semester.
Sincerely, Noah-Knows-All
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Excellent answer!
😍👍😍