Saph Leeper / The Mossy Log
Meeting a future spouse in college was once more common, and there is even a history of marriages between Lewis & Clark alumni who met on campus. But now it seems to me like more and more people I know have defaulted to Hinge, Tinder and other dating apps to find romantic connections. According to Pew Research Center, 48% of 18- to 29-year-olds in the United States say they have used a dating app or site at some point. Off-the-hill, or off-campus, dating has, in my view, become a widespread goal in the LC community. For some dating app users, it works. For others, however, I have heard many grievances about its struggles. It seems that some of my peers have come to the conclusion that online dating is their only option for finding a future relationship.
Should dating off-the-hill be the goal?
After a grueling application process, when the time came to choose a college to attend, I imagine many of us chose LC because we felt the community reflects our beliefs, interests and priorities. We are lucky enough to study, and even live, in a community not only of similar-aged people, but people who are more likely to share our worldview and future goals. In the college selection process, you also chose a viable dating pool. Look no further than your classmates, clubmates and dormmates: There is no need for algorithmic matchmaking when you are part of a college community.
Few other times in your life will you be part of a community almost entirely the same age as you. Here and now is the place and time to connect with others who will continue to move through life at your pace, both in friendships and beyond.
When students decide that online dating is the only possible way to meet others, they can dismiss the opportunity to find a connection right here on campus. This streamlined way of thinking can contribute to a culture where it feels taboo or difficult to make a move in person. We as a community need to change this social expectation by contributing to an environment where respectfully approaching others with romantic intent is normalized. Creating a community where consensually approaching and pursuing a romantic relationship with a peer is more common may reduce students’ need to go off-the-hill.
I know from experience that making the first move in person can pay off. If you are interested in someone, do not be afraid to make the first move. Even if you are feminine-presenting, subvert societal expectations and try approaching your interest in class. Strike up that conversation in the elevator, move seats in class to sit next to someone you are getting to know and write your phone number on that slip of paper. Keep submitting to KPH missed connections — you will be supporting student media, but also taking the next step towards a found connection. Take yourself offline and make a move, in person.
I will freely admit that being a cisgender, straight woman makes it easier and safer for me to approach others with the assumption that they might have similar interests as me. However, we are lucky to say that the LC community is not only of similar views and priorities, but also accepting. There are clubs and associations where students can meet others not only with similar identities, but also with similar interests and opinions.
There are many “what ifs” that come with on-campus dating: “What if we break up and I see them at the Bon every day?” “What if our dating puts a strain on our mutual friend group?” “What if they do not return my affections?”
My “what ifs” are: “What if they feel the same way?” “What if dating in person gives you an unforgettable life experience?” And the most important: “What if you find your life partner?” I think I did.
Author
About the Author
