Rose Bialk/The Mossy Log
At a school as small as Lewis & Clark, it is pretty much impossible to avoid somebody completely. No matter how hard you try, just when you think you might avoid seeing someone, they pop up. Whether it is an awkward ex-friend or a mortal enemy, chances are they will be dining at the Bon, studying in the library or even attending your afternoon lecture. It is bad enough when it is that one person you fell out with during your NST. Imagine having a messy, horrific breakup with someone and then having to see them everywhere you turn. That is the risk you take when you pursue dating someone on campus, and a risk many are willing to take. However, I am here to stand my ground and say that dating off-campus is almost always the better option.
I am no stranger to the world of dating, and I cannot in good conscience say that my relationship history is perfect and polished. However, in this case I feel that my long-term relationship is about as good an indicator as any other regarding the true benefits of dating off-campus. My boyfriend and I met in our senior year of high school, but we attended schools across the city from one another. We have never had the option to see each other daily, and as we are both busy musicians and performers, we sometimes struggle to see each other even once or twice a week. I absolutely miss him every day we are apart, but I honestly do not think our relationship would have worked out had we been around each other daily. We are both fiercely independent and polar opposites in many regards.
Although this means we compliment each other quite nicely, we also have a complex and nuanced bond that is not always easy to understand. If we had been seeing each other every day, I think that the beginning stages of our relationship would have created feelings of frustration, stubbornness and immaturity. Being apart makes us appreciate the time we have together more. We were both able to independently cultivate friendships and grow significantly as people, which has led to the strong relationship we have now.
While dating on campus may seem easier in the short term, make sure that you weigh the potential outcomes of your relationship before seeking out an on-campus partner. It is no doubt that seeing someone who goes to your school is convenient and enjoyable much of the time. Not only can you spend much more time together, but you never have to go out of your way to see them. But before you initiate an on-campus romance, make sure to consider the future.
If you are not looking for a long-term relationship, it may be easier, but either way you should still have a conversation about the status of your relationship once your romantic one ends. Making sure you are on the same page with the person prevents awkward and potentially harmful breakups, and may even help you keep a friend group despite them.
This point of view may come off as extremely pessimistic. You may just have the desire to live in the moment, to see where things go, to explore possibilities in order to find yourself. I implore you to do so with an open mind and an open heart. To that point, if you are in a relationship with someone on campus, I am beyond happy for you and I wish you all the best. However, weighing the possibilities is always crucial in making decisions, especially if you are looking for a committed, potentially long-term relationship.
All that being said, I sometimes find myself observing the couples around me with a jealous pang in my heart. The transition to college is never an easy one, and it has been difficult for my partner and I, despite already being accustomed to the time apart. Some days, I do feel as though I would transfer schools in a heartbeat just to be by his side for more than a few days at a time. But I also know that we need to maintain our lives, socially, academically and professionally, which should always be your priority. I try to remind myself that the longest relationship in our lives is the one we have with ourselves, so taking the time to cultivate that deserves much more attention than the average person usually gives. Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or seeking one out, make sure you take the time to take care of yourself first and foremost. Shared experiences and friendships can build a wonderful foundation for a relationship: join a new club, take a fun class and seek out things you enjoy — from there, relationships can blossom.
Portland is a huge city with plenty of young, single people; people who you do not have to worry about running into in the Dovecote line. Dating apps and websites are a whole other kettle of fish, but aside from their many problematic qualities, they do often provide people — particularly younger generations — with a wider range of dating options. They work for some people, but my honest advice is just to do your best to find opportunities to approach people in the wild. People watch at a coffee shop, or a library or a thrift store. Go to your favorite restaurant or bookstore and focus on the people around you. It is easier said than done, and it will take time, but your patience will pay off when the universe rewards you with someone wonderful, both inside and out.
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