With the start of another Fall semester, we at The Backdoor are excited to welcome a new class of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed scholars here at LC. After settling into your own routine here on our gorgeous campus, you must be thinking, “Things cannot get any better!” Well, you are right. They can not. Unfortunately, with the spectacular highs of college life, there are also devastating lows. But do not lose faith, gentle reader, for The Backdoor is here to offer some words of wisdom to keep you from hitting rock bottom. Whether it is friend troubles or dining dilemmas, The Backdoor has compiled a first-year school survival guide for your reading pleasure. Feel free to grab a pen and paper to take notes.
Social Strategy:
Freshman friend groups tend to run in large packs, not the small cliques as observed in upperclassmen. This is a survival mechanism. Bigger groups of prey are less vulnerable to dangers in their environment — like being asked to partner up with someone you do not know in your SOAN 100 class. To avoid this, meet and “befriend” everyone you can in the first few weeks of classes. You do not even have to like these people; it is almost better if you dislike most of them. As time goes on, the number of people in your circle will dwindle to about three. This is the natural order of things.
Bathroom Etiquette:
Freedom from nagging parents comes at the expense of a private bathroom. On top of that, most of the communal bathrooms here at LC are co-ed #AllAreWelcomeHere. While you may be debating whether to pop a squat in a secluded area of Tryon, I can assure you that it is not as scary as it seems. Simply leave a little pee on the toilet seat to assert dominance; the others will fall in line quickly. Pro tip: feel free to take toiletries from anyone’s shower caddy. Everyone who uses that restroom is now considered your family.
Meal Planning:
While the chicken served in the Bon has been described as tasting like “penguin fupa,” it is a consistent source of protein, which is a must for building up that brain power. My personal advice? Bring your own hot sauce and drown that ‘ish. Before you vegans get up in arms, the dubiously-cooked chicken can be substituted for (the arguably better alternative) tofu. Whatever you do, do NOT eat the soy curls. The Backdoor is not responsible for any watery, bloody or explosive stools readers may experience.
Post-Party Procedure:
Whether or not you indulge in spiked drinks below the legal age is not the Backdoor’s business. Hypothetically, if you did, freshman year would be the best time to fall off the wagon. The memories of vomiting six shots of Pink Whitney in the Ponderosa bathroom are more important than any essay, presentation or exam. If you pound a half gallon of electrolytes, your professor will not be able to tell you showed up to your 8 a.m. biology lab hungover. Do not worry, you are fooling everyone!
Housemate Hacks:
For most of you, this is the first time you are living with roommates. Whether you have yet to speak to these people or they are new best friends, you are bound to run into some problems when you shove multiple people into a dorm the size of a New York studio apartment. One common issue is the “smelly roommate.” Poor hygiene is not usually a result of maliciousness, but of indifference. Turn self-care into a fun activity you two can do together. Invite them to take a four-legged shower if you are into that kind of thing. If not, a simple, “Girl I’m bored; we should go put on deodorant!” can make all the difference.
By no means does this list cover all the possible tribulations inherent to the first-year experience. Alas, dear reader, you may come across obstacles that even I cannot help you overcome. If you require further advice, I recommend making an appointment with your CORE professor or a graduate psychology student who needs practice hours.
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