The traditional presidential pardoning of a Thanksgiving turkey dates back to the H.W. Bush administration, when the memory of the Cold War was fresh on the American mind. Reckoning with both the rapidly changing world order and imminent turn of the century left the country ready to reconsider long-held beliefs about power and sovereignty. Millions of people across the globe were gaining the right to true self-determination for the first time, and from across the Atlantic, so too were the most disenfranchised members of our fine country.
In a surprisingly progressive move, President Bush defended the avian class in a seminal State of the Union.
“I do not like poultry, and I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m president of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more poultry,” Bush said, tears streaming down his face as Congress erupted into raucous applause on both sides of the aisle.
Ever since, turkey rights have been a hot-button issue in Washington and beyond. As turkeys gain prominence across entertainment, business and politics, their place in our society has become increasingly visible.
To mark the historic inaugural Turkian Heritage Month this November, Forbes Magazine will be publishing its first-ever list of “4 Turkeys Under 4.” Below are The Backdoor’s nominations for this historic edition of perhaps the most reputable listicle in America.
Rosemary Robinette Waddle
Comedian | 2
Rosemary Robinette Waddle is a proud third-generation New Yorker with a sharp wit and even sharper beak. Fresh off her appearance at the “Netflix is a Joke” festival last summer, she was booked to produce a semi-autobiographical Tubi original series, “Untitled Sarah Michelle Geller Project,” which documents a group of 20-somethings struggling to make it in the cutthroat musical improv scene. The show, which will premiere sometime early in 2026, has asked us to clarify that Ms. Geller is in no way involved with the project. The Backdoor interviewed Waddle about the vulnerable experience of creating a television series based on her life.
“Gobble gobble,” Waddle said. “Gobble gobble gobble.”
Anthony Cranberry
Restaurateur | 3.5
Anthony Cranberry got his start in Galveston, Texas, where he was trained to be a pitmaster by barbeque legend Golda Brown. Cranberry cites this experience as radicalizing, leading him to abandon his meat-forward cooking for a more ethical alternative. Cranberry relocated to Northeast Portland and opened an all-vegan food cart. What began as a one-man passion project quickly became the talk of Rose City and within a year was a full-fledged restaurant in the gentrified part of Southeast. This year, Cranberry became the youngest turkey in history to earn a coveted Michelin star for his establishment “All the Food That’s Fit to Eat.” His signature dish, gravel with arugula compote and a balsamic reduction drizzle, was described by the Portland Mercury as “the best thing since sliced tempeh.”
Gizzard “Gizz” Jones
Tech Entrepreneur | 1
Gizz Jones is widely considered to be a once-in-a-generation mind: after graduating from SUNY Binghamton in 2025 with a certificate in complex systems science and engineering, Jones migrated southwest to Silicon Valley. There, he quickly rose to the top of the high-tech pecking order and secured venture capital funding for his AI start-up, iWorry, which uses a complex algorithm to provide trauma-informed therapy to overworked chatbots. The day iWorry went public, it is rumored Jones’ net worth increased by as much as $1.69 billion, which he immediately invested in Nvidia. Jones is currently dating Dorian Electra and has set his sights on the 2028 presidential race.
Grace Gravy
Journalist | 2.5
Grace Gravy graduated summa cum laude from Barnard College with a degree in medieval and Renaissance studies. After struggling with abject unemployment for six months (equivalent to 10 pathetic human years), she gained widespread notoriety in 2024 when she broke the Pepperidge Farm sex scandal story that captivated the nation. After independently publishing her investigation on her Substack, “The Gravy Boat,” she was flooded with offers to join the writing staffs of various large news organizations. However, Gravy declined, preferring to fly with her own wings.
“Gobble gobble g****e gobble gobble,” Gravy said of the mass media industry. “Gobble, gobble, gobble?”
Her newfound fame piqued the interest of investors, which she leveraged into funding a new center-left magazine called “The Flock” which spotlights turkey voices and the burgeoning ethical mattress industry. This opportunity fulfilled her lifelong dream of becoming a bad bitch editor-in-chief, first spurred by watching “The Devil Wears Prada” as a chick.
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