Rose Bialk/The Mossy Log
Dear Spill It,
I have heard talk from many a person around campus about roommate issues surrounding people getting freaky while the other roommate is in the room. While I understand the fact that this is a conflict within the bedroom, I also find it disturbing that this has happened multiple times to many of my friends. Any advice for those going through these trials and tribulations?
Eagerly awaiting,
Wronged Roommates
Dear Wronged Roommates,
If I have learned anything from living within five feet of another person, it is that within any healthy relationship, there must be boundaries. I know it is easy to ignore awkward questions and leave things unspoken, but without boundaries, you run the risk of creating unneeded tension when these uncomfortable situations do arise.
Like you mentioned, this situation is not uncommon. Why is this the case? After all, a shared space means that some things that are meant to be private are, well, not so private anymore. Is there some thrilling enjoyment from doing risky business where others could see? Is it simply too hard to find somewhere else to “get freaky,” as you put it? We either end the epidemic of the across-the-room freak show, or get an unwanted front-row seat to “Love Island: Dorm Edition.”
In matters of the bedroom, it is always best to keep the other party’s feelings in mind; it is a sensitive subject. Of course you are upset because your roommate decided that you were so “asleep” that it did not matter, or worse, did not care. Your roommate, unfortunate as it is, might be a little annoyed that you are bothered by it. Either way, it is tantamount that you make it known that you do, in fact, care. I know this may seem obvious, but some people really assume that “it is fine” or “you are chill” when the reality is that this has nothing to do with relative chillness, it actually just has to do with common decency.
In this sense, the best way to approach this situation is by using the following tactics. First, set boundaries by telling them that this is not a normal thing to be doing. Go in by establishing the things you are not comfortable with. This way you can test the waters before jumping into the deep end. At the end of the day, you have to let them know that this is not normal, acceptable or something they should be doing. You do not have to yell at them or tell them off, you just have to set those boundaries and make them clear so that no one is left feeling uncomfortable again.
Sincerely,
Noah-Knows-All
Author
About the Author
