Rose Bialk/The Mossy Log
Dear Spill It,
I love my boyfriend and want him to pursue his interests. However, “Clash Royale” feels like it’s transformed from an innocent hobby into a full-blown addiction. I feel it’s become a hindrance to our relationship and a way for him to “escape” spending time with me. I can see how escapism means developing the self (i.e. athletics or reading) and could be healthy, but I truly don’t understand how getting trophies in Clash Royale makes him a better person. I LOVED your last column, and would truly appreciate your help in the matter.
From,
Royally Ignored Girlfriend
Dear Royally Ignored Girlfriend,
In an increasingly digitized age, convenience is crucial. You can get anywhere with the press of a button, call anyone, anywhere at any time, text a boyfriend or a girlfriend or both at once. With all this convenience, one might assume that love and relationships become easier. While true in some respects, most couples can not help but notice the unsuspecting third member of the relationship: the mobile game.
It starts as a way to pass the time in those awkward lulls in conversation: you both pull out your phones, maybe pretending to check text messages or open Instagram. As you come to learn, however, your boyfriend is not merely using the phone as a means to avoid awkwardness, but instead as a means for his own vice: “Clash Royale.” Is it to pass the time? Escape? Whatever the reason, it turns out he is playing any chance he can get. Waiting in line? “Clash Royale.” Sitting in Class? “Clash Royale.” Boring movie date? You guessed it. A hobby-turned-addiction, it looks like the affair you tried to ignore is now making you the other woman.
When dealing with the question of recreation or dependence, one must always remember that for someone to become dependent, they have to get something in return. It looks like in this case, escapism is the main allure of his dependency. You are absolutely right that escapism can be healthy, but it relies on the reason for escape. I implore you to explore the reason why your boyfriend feels like he needs to “escape” you. This may take a little digging, as he might not know exactly what is going on himself. Escapism is often subconscious, and I advise you to tread lightly. Open the conversation to him, instead of questioning him for the risk of sounding interrogatory. Maybe begin by asking about the game itself, or lightly pop the question just by asking what he enjoys about it. Once you appeal to his interests, then you can set boundaries. Try “I know you like this game, but it makes me feel like you are trying to avoid talking to me.” I know it is cliche, but “I feel” statements work wonders.
One more thing: DO NOT by any means try to limit his screen time or take his phone. Although it may be tempting, you do not want to act like his mother — NEVER be like his mother. Honestly, if you get to a point where you feel like you need to take away his phone, dump him. After all, you can take the man out of “Clash Royale” but you can never take the “Clash Royale” out of the man.
Sincerely, Noah-Knows-All
About the Author
