Vivian Kalla/The Mossy Log
In our lives, cheating is all around us in all of its forms — from video games, to relationships, to ChatGPT and academic dishonesty. However, cheating in relationships is a particular offense, and it is becoming increasingly prevalent among students. I am here to tell you that there is no such thing as a good cheater. There are very few circumstances where cheaters do not deserve the boot, and I can almost guarantee that your two-week situationship who plays drums at open mic night is not one of them.
While we do not have specific numbers for the Lewis & Clark population, when it comes to undergraduate students in the United States, we have some basis to go off: an internet survey of undergraduates conducted by Project Innovation Austin from 2009 through 2016 on large campuses in the Southeast and Midwest, 43.8% reported that they had cheated, slightly less than half. This is quite a large margin, considering that young adults are less likely to be in a relationship than older individuals. Let me ask you one thing: does the fact that a little less than half of our peers, give or take, have reportedly cheated in their relationships startle you? While I wish I could say it shocked me to my core, it is an unsurprising, albeit depressing, statistic.
In my experience, everyone’s definition of cheating is different. In some relationships, physical touch, contacting exes or being flirtatious is perfectly fine because it has been communicated. But when things have not been communicated, that is when anything and everything, emotional or physical, can arouse an issue.
My definition of cheating is anything you do with another person without your partner’s knowledge that would make them uncomfortable, or that they would otherwise not want you to do. In my current relationship, we have clearly set boundaries that we each agreed on early on in our relationship. Some people may say that cheating has to be explicitly physical, but I count emotional cheating in my definition as well. Emotional cheating is developing a strong emotional closeness with another person without your partner’s knowledge, leading to secrecy and an emotional affair of some kind. I consider it as much of a problem as physical in this day and age, particularly with the rise of social media and anonymity. Emotional cheating can be just as damaging as physical, because for some people it may be more meaningful or harder to look past. Having a physical connection is one thing, but emotional cheating betrays and breaks bonds of a different kind entirely. Cheating is now easier than ever to get away with, and chances are your partner will be none the wiser, so why does it even matter?
It matters because cheating is a complete and utter betrayal of trust. When you agreed to be in a relationship, you set aside anyone else you may have had your eyes on and gave your all to that one person you are in a relationship with. If you were not ready for that commitment, you should not have gotten into a relationship. Both of your feelings are more important than a label, or feeling secure for a few weeks just for it to all go up in flames when they inevitably find out about the other person. Cheating is never okay. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, even if they cheated first. It is not a two-way street: nobody deserves to feel that way, regardless of who they are.
In order to write this article properly, I wanted to get the perspective of someone who knows the betrayal and hurt first hand, in a deeper way than I do. A source that wishes to remain anonymous reached out to me and expressed the following about their experience regarding emotional cheating:
“The best description would be betrayal, sadness, and anger. It’s also a mix of feeling like you weren’t enough, or you are unattractive. It takes a huge hit on your self esteem. It’s always a thought in the back of your head, that you aren’t enough or that you don’t look good enough. It took me way too long to trust anyone again” the student said.
If your partner cheats on you, they do not respect you or your relationship. Someone who has genuine love and respect for you would never even think about cheating on you. I speak from a place of love when I say that if you are in a relationship where you have been cheated on, you need to get out before you get hurt again. No matter who you are, how long you have been together, or what your story is — I do not personally believe that cheating can ever be forgiven.
Regardless of everything, the world will keep on spinning, and people will continue to hurt other people. That is just human nature and unfortunately not something we can ever really escape. But I am here to say that I do not like the way that our generation has normalized the casual nature of cheating in a serious relationship. Social media plays a large role, but so does the rise of hookup culture, among a million other little things that make lying to your partner so much more common. Let me just end by saying this: communicate. Fix things. If you are not attracted, committed or interested in the person you are with, do not be with them. It really is that simple, I promise. Do not make things more complicated than they need to be, and please, do not make LC a safe space for cheaters.
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