By Kai Godsey
When I came to college four long years ago, I was quiet, protective of my personal space and struggled to make friends on my own. I felt isolated from the people around me, but the thought of putting myself out there and meeting new friends felt overwhelming.
This is not an uncommon experience in the United States. According to the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory in 2023, only 16% of Americans “reported that they felt very attached to their local community” in 2018, and one in two adults reported feelings of loneliness. Isolation has numerous health effects, which make these statistics all the more worrying. Isolation and loneliness are linked to higher odds of an early death, regardless of the cause of death being studied, with mortality effects comparable to smoking, air pollution and physical inactivity. Loneliness is even associated with declines in later-age cognitive function and increases in blood pressure.
A variety of factors may contribute to this growing sense of isolation, such as a lack of community-supporting infrastructure or societal norms that prioritize work and social media over in-person interactions and feelings of community with one’s neighbors. Systemic issues abound, and they are impossible to solve by yourself. But there are aspects of this isolation that are dependent on individuals, and if we can work on these, then perhaps we can mend the systemic issues, too. After four years at LC, I have some advice on making those changes.
I challenged myself to exchange phone numbers with at least one classmate in every class I took so that I would have someone to talk to in case I missed a day. I began getting involved in clubs in my sophomore year, trying out fire arts and board games with strangers. When people invited me to things, I said yes to everything, even if I was not yet sure I would enjoy it. Sometimes I was right — concerts and affinity groups are, indeed, generally not my vibe — but even then, I was thankful for the experience. As a result of all of this, I began to recognize the people around me, and I started to feel that belonging that I had been missing. I knew people, and they knew me; even if we did not regularly hang out, seeing those familiar faces around campus made me feel at home here.
I was recently introduced to the concept of the “three rings of community,” described by Mark Dunkelman in his book “The Vanishing Neighbor: The Transformation of American Community.” The outermost ring concerns people you only briefly know — someone in a shared-interest forum online, for example, or a fellow fan of a favorite sports team. The innermost ring is your core of family and close friends, the people you know best. The middle ring — the one Dunkelman claims has been disappearing — consists of regular acquaintances: people you are friendly to, but not close with. In the college context, this could be your dorm neighbors, the people you sit next to in class or the Bon staff who swipe you in every day. In my experience, this ring of acquaintances, of friendly strangers, is the one that contributes most to a feeling of belonging on this campus. Unfortunately, this ring does not just appear in front of you. You have to build it yourself.
So, to everyone returning to campus next year, and to those who are journeying out into new places, I challenge you to try to build up that middle ring, even when it seems tedious or stressful. Say hi to your neighbors. Go to clubs and events, and talk to the other people there, not just your pre-existing friends. It is hard at first, no doubt, but the feeling of having a place in your community, of knowing and being known, is well worth the struggle.
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