By Vivian Kalla
Nobody understands how hard it is to fall in love so easily. As a hopeless romantic, I can never help but go all in when I meet someone new. I do everything right — I hold their hand, take them to meet my friends and come up with date ideas for the kind-of-near future. After a week, “I love you” just feels so natural to say. I love the idea of a fairytale, whirlwind romance and I will not settle for anything less than exactly that.
I have such good intentions, but every now and then, I jump in too deep and fail to realize that I do not actually want to commit to that person until it is too late. As Rousseau once said, limerence is a bitch. Without ending things, I would just be stringing them along. But I hate having to deal with them hating me. So I usually just ghost them. I think it is best that I keep them stuck in a limbo where they have no idea if I dislike them or just got busy. Even better, I can always come back if I change my mind. But an initial explanation? I owe them nothing!
Honestly, people expect so much emotional labor these days. When someone I talk to takes too long to answer my texts, asks me why I call them babe after two dates or begins to remember our past conversations, I know that our relationship just will never work out. Is it that bad to want something casual but committed? Even worse is when they talk to other people. I can never trust people who have their guard up and are looking at their options. I deserve to be treated as more than just an option! I deserve to be the only option.
The current market is so frustrating that I have to seek out dating advice from respected experts. When I scroll through Instagram reels, they tell me that whoever I am talking to has at least six other side hoes because of hypergamy, whatever that means. Once I started seeing those reels, I realized that it is kind of dumb to put all my eggs in one basket. Even worse, everyone will definitely think I lost the IDGAF war if they are already in another talking stage situationship and I am still alone. Like Plato said, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.
I mean, what if it fails to work out, or what if someone of a higher value comes along? Then I invested all of that time and energy into making a connection with another person for nothing, when I could have been diversifying my portfolio and spread hedging my assets. Besides, it is extra important to avoid vulnerable investments in our current dating economy. I am not getting much return on my looksmaxxing fund, and some podcast said that we are headed toward a recession. Some people do not believe in the dating market, but let us all be brutally honest. What is dating but another transactional relationship of supply and demand? A partner is like a bigger purchase than a house. I could invest in a low-value model now, or I could hold out until I can afford one that is better quality. You do the math.
I may seem jaded, but I am just a realist. I know that others see me as a villain, but they do not get how misunderstood I am. I am not avoidant. Just realistic. And strategic. Like Hobbes said, the single life is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short, and in that anarchic state I can, nay, must do whatever it takes for self-preservation. Deep down, I know I do not deserve this blame. I have only ever gotten hurt in the past, and that gives me a free pass to hurt others indefinitely. It is not my fault we live in a society.
About the Author
