We need to change our mascot: it is time to talk about Seaman

Let us finally face it, Pios. It is time for a new mascot.

I will start with the obvious: what even is a “pio?” Is it short for pioneer? Is it short for pioneer … ing? Is it an acronym for Pretty Interesting Opinion, surely? Just kidding. I am 90% sure it is short for pioneer. And, honestly, I am not sure we are calling Merriwether Lewis and William Clark pioneers anymore. Colonizers, maybe. Uninvited, definitely. Shortening “pioneer” to “pio” does not hide the fact that we are still calling ourselves after a few people who have very complicated legacies. I do not mean to imply that an act as simple as changing our mascot can repair centuries of harm, but now this paragraph is straying dangerously far from the usual stupid Backdoor territory, so I will move on from that idea, and leave it for the Opinion section.

Secondly, let us address the dog. Visually, we are repped by a friendly Newfoundland, who represents the dog that Lewis and Clark (the people, not the school) took on their expedition. Personally, I love the dog. It has a very kind face. Plus, sometimes neighbors will bring their Newfies to school events and they will drool all over my foot, which really makes me feel loved. But there is a clear disconnect between the dog and the pio. Simply put, a pio is not a dog. Still, she is a good dog, yes she is!

Lastly, what is up with the roll part of our slogan? Just kidding. Roll is funny. Like weed. Ha. We should keep the roll part.

So, we can all agree that our current mascot could use an upgrade. With that in mind, I have graciously compiled a list of viable alternatives, with some reasoning behind each one.

1. The Seamen

Let us return to our current mascot, the Newfoundland. Here is a fun fact you may not have known: the real dog who accompanied Lewis and Clark (the people, not the school) on their expedition was named Seaman. Since we have established that the Newfoundland is a good mascot, why not cut out the middleman and name ourselves directly after Seaman, who I can only assume was a very good boy? Say it out loud: roll seaman! Sounds great! To refer to ourselves in the plural, we would call ourselves the seamen. This has the added benefit of maintaining the current art, so we can keep those super cute sweaters with the dog and the tarot card. Those slap. Admittedly, we are still referencing Lewis and Clark (once again, the dudes), but all records indicate that the dog was actually quite ahead of his time. Progressive King!

2. Cougars

First-years may not be aware of this, but at the beginning of last year, our campus recorded several cougar sightings! I do mean the big cat, although, coincidentally, the sightings did occur when first-years (and their mothers) were on campus for move-in. The cougar, who we can only assume has a fondness for soy curls and an interest in world languages, was known affectionately as Jane Fonda. So, why not call ourselves the Lewis & Clark Cougars? Animal mascots are always a safe bet. Plus, if we asked nicely and offered an enticing enough payment (read: an unsuspecting Copelander) I am sure we could get Jane Fonda herself (the cat) to come back to campus for football games, Board of Trustees meetings and other events!

3. The Vim Vievels

I know, I know. Why replace two old white men with another, even older white man? But hear me out: Vim Vievel mascot suit. We could make it dance, or do crude gestures! Plus, it would be really funny to have a hat with Vim on it. Roll Vievels!

4. The Pio(neer Express) 

So, you are not sold on roll seamen? You want to stick with roll pios? Fine. You know what else is called the pio and rolls? The Pioneer Express. Which rolls because it has wheels. Because it is a bus. I will be the first to admit that “pioneer express” doesn’t really move us away from the whole “pioneers” thing, but people are really dedicated to the bus, so roll pios I guess? Right now, LCs only distinctions are being the school with most vegans per capita, and also the place where Monica Lewinsky went I guess. What if we could be known as the only school whose mascot is a method of transportation? And an eco-friendly method, at that! 

5. The Pious

Okay, yes, it is weird for us to be the pious, as we are not in any way religiously affiliated and are, in fact, according to one of my professors who could not cite any source, the least religious undergraduate college in the United States. But, if we adopt this, all our branding can stay the same! We would just need to go around to every flier, sticker and/or sweater that says “pios” on it and squeeze a “u” between the “o” and the “s.” No problem! 

We have got a plethora of good, great and mediocre options So, students formerly known as the pios, what will it be?

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Frankie Spurbeck

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